Melancholy

Recently a frieIMG-20151216-WA0000nd pointed out to me : surprisingly  weired yet totally innocent trend in my blog-post(in the left picture , blog-post, before and after my marriage). Thanks for noticing, but i really don’t know how did it end up like this…. May be this is a learning that one should not draw conclusions from thought patterns…it could be delusional…. Certainly, it is not what is looks like !!

It doesn’t really matter..we live in a delusional world anyway. The moment you realize that there is no point in doing anything in life except to keep yourself alive(although there is no point in that too but then you are not even ready to die as there is still lingering hope of finding some reason to your existence). This state i call “The Melancholy”. On a related note, Shiv Kumar Batalvi, said something similar to this in his interview in which he called this feeling by another name “Slow suicide”. At the moment, i can best describe my total sum of feelings as a persistent melancholy. I can’t really reason it…I got a great career, amazing family and friends, married the love of my life…so really there is no reason to get sad but still this constant feeling that they are not going to stay forever. I mean, I don’t see a point in having a thing only to be taken away few moments later. I have heard people say, “Enjoy what you have right now… and when you have lived it totally, let it go…Infact it will drop naturally”.  To be honest, i can’t let go… perhaps I’m not living “totally”(whatever that means). But i see a point here, sometime back, I lost/dropped contact with my childhood and i don’t remember when and how did it happen. May be that’s let go in its natural form. Here, i would like to quote from movie “Udaan” :

Nange paer unpe chalte-chalte itni door aa gaye hain,
ki ab bhool gaye hai joote kahaan utare the ….
Sach.. Bhool gaye hain joote kahan utaare the
par lagta hai ab unki zaroorat nahi..

So, can it happen right now, that we become so involved again..that the perception of delicate moment of detachment is never felt. Right now, it is not happening, right now i can only sing this :

Ki puchdiyun ho haal fakeeraan da,
Saada nadiyun vichade neeraan da.
Saada hanjh di june aayeen da,
Saada dil jaliyaan dilgeeraan da!

Why ask about the condition of fakirs  like us?
We are water, separated from its river,
Emerged from a tear,
Melancholy, distressed.

Eh jaandeyan kujh shokh jahe
Rangaan da na hi tasveeraan hai,
Jad had gaye aseen ishke di,
Mul kar baithe tasveeraan da!

Of course I knew that a painting is just
A whimsy of colors- But when I entered the emporium of love,
I paid a price.

Sanu lakhaan da tan labh gaya,
Par ik da man vi na miliya.
Kya likhiya kise mukahdar si
Hathaan diyan chaar lakeeraan da!

Countless bodies did I find, 
But not one mind did I meet.
This was written in my fate, 
In the four lines of my palm.

Takdeer da aapni saukan si,
Tadbeeraan saathon na hoiyaan.
Na jhang Chutaya na kan paate
Chund lang gaya injh heeraan da.

My destiny was my rival. 
I could never find a way to escape it.
I did not leave Jhang, I did not pierce my ears,
and a crowd of Heers crossed my path.

Mere geet vi lok suneende ne,
Naale kaafar aakh sadeende ne,
MaeN darad nu kaaba keh baitha
Rahb naaN rakh baithe peeraan da

People listen to my songs,
But call me a heretic,
Because I named pain my kaaba, 
And sorrow, my god.

Main daanashvaran suneendiyaan sang,
Kai vaari uhchi bol piya,
Kujh maan si sanu ishke da,
Kujh daava vi si peeraan da!

On occasion, in gatherings of great people
I have spoken sharply.
Perhaps I was arrogant about my love, 
Perhaps I felt I had a claim upon pain.

I would like to acknowledge the lyrics translation source . Thanks a lot ! Also this is the link to the above song as originally sung and written by great Shiv Kumar…

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Madar***d Zindagi #2

I exactly remember the place, time and feeling when i said something similar. Today the time and place are different but the same feeling(with similar circumstances) has surfaced again. In this context, i can now appreciate the possibility of life being cyclical. I remember, gaurav saying something about how his life appears to be not going anywhere, that he is stuck in some kind of Groundhog universe. It’s like, locally there appears to be a straight line with monotonic growth but on a higher scale becomes a circle ! what if we keep on magnifying the scale , does it becomes a point !?! … and so on….

Anyways, apart from the burning rage to set things straight, i find it hard to actually do it. Why have i lost my mental composure? Back in those days, there was only one voice but now its all chaos. now there only two choices ..[a] jump into chaos and let spontaneity be the guiding torch [b] try to establish order however superficial it may be…

Experience says order is cozy, comforting but vulnerable and chaos although very uncomforting but highly robust…

It could be very plausible that choice is nothing but a delusion, a false feeling of your being in control over things…maybe there is no choice as the one which we did not choose never came to existence …

A beautiful moment

It’s almost 4 in the night, dawn is drawing near and it’s so quite outside…. a warm n soft piano melody filling all around and suddenly there is calmness, not just outside but inside… feeling so light headed…. although these days i am expected to be nervous but somehow i am not becoming… some spontaneous change is coming from inside and it feels really good….

P.S. I wanted to write something technical/work related this time but somehow not able to write it at the moment… next post is sure going to be in that spirit !

A new Journey

Once Schrodinger said,

“For a solitary animal egoism is a virtue that tends to preserve and improve the species: in any kind of community it becomes a destructive vice.”

 Unfortunately, i have been stuck in community for far too long(after 2nd year of college) … partly because of my fear and ignorance and partly because of my “Yes Man” nature ….  Although it was not too bad, i met  ” A few good people”…. and for this i will have no regrets…. but on thinking back, i realized that they did not come bcoz of community links …they were “random” individual connections …….that in some sense are still self-sustained…. [perpetual motion in physicist language ;)]

So, starting today i’m again going back to “solitary” state and “Ego and Anger” are my tools for survival !
I need to be “strong” all by myself, to learn N share (not community sharing that comes with obligation and self-interests) but sharing purely driven through gratitude …..

This feeling also resonates with the theme with which MG created his blog …. 

A Paradox

With my 180 degrees reversal of schedule, things have become a little jerky ! These days i’m sleeping in what used to be my most productive hours of work[;)], nevertheless it’s fresh and my body is adapting to it quite efficiently …

My current work is mostly focused around complex ecosystem dynamics and for that, i am reading a lot of Darwinian stuff and  i’m back again to old questions about how and why evolution happens in such a brutal way ( you know what i’m taking, right ?) .. and in the early morning (almost)every day i read few pages of Gita with my first tea !  
However, there is no appreciable change in my state of confusion, i  still find myself drowning in the sea of confusion and find no source of upward pull that could take me out  ….. 
It is said in Gita that “one should work with lot of enthusiasm and sincerity and still remain detached to his work” …  How the hell is this going to work out in real life situation ?…. Where is the source of enthusiasm other than attachment ? How can u not care about results (detachment) ? Unless  you accept that someone else is taking care of these things and you are here just to work and there is nothing else you can do no matter what your flickering mind tells you about ….

I don’t know, it seems to me that the problem and solution both lies in the mind itself…. Suppose, I belonged to a species with less developed intellect/mind, would i be doing what Gita is saying ….
If yes, then what has development of mind given to us or rather what has it taken from us ? 

P.S. [For MG] As always your choice of songs/movies is always “something else”[sorry, i don’t have a proper word for it] !     

First Problem

As promised to gaurav, we would start discussions on random physics problems to see if our brains can still function the way they used to do when we were in high school…

So the  plan is that any one can put the problem even if it is in a rough sense and after some discussions the problem would take a final/concrete form and from there we decide the day of submission.

Also once the problem is marked closed, the next problem should be up in 3 days at max !

So, let’s just start with our first problem….
————————————————————
Let me describe you briefly, how i prepare my usual tea …
The process is pretty simple…i pour some normal room temperature water into my electric kettle, close the lid and allow it to boil…[sorry i don’t have a temperature indicator in my kettle 😉 ] and once it boils the whole water [let’s say the temperature is uniform throughout the water], there is an auto-cutoff from the electric supply and i open the lid to pour the water into my cup.

One day, while opening the lid, i realized that,  boiling water on opening the lid starts cooling of course and the bubbles which were present on the surface started shrinking gradually from a bigger radius R, to eventually a point object. and the process happens at the time scale perceivable to normal human eye[so you get the idea of time scale , right ?] and the process is never(most of the times) discontinuous, i.e, the  drop shrinks from some finite size to a point in a continuous fashion. I don’t know if the rate of shrinking is dependent on initial diameter of the bubble.

So that’s all the observations i have,,,I would be happy to get more observational details if asked to,  would be a nice cup of tea afterwards 😉

So the question is :

A) How and Why bubble formation happens in the first place , when temperature is raised from room temperature to boiling temperature?

B) What are the governing equations that can define the physics of shrinking of a bubble ?

P.S. :
I observed this thing sometime back and wrote this on my board in “things-to-do”… then after few days I visited RRI for a school on statistical physics, where in a lecture, a prof. from JNU, was describing dynamics of phase transition and out of blue he described something very similar to bubble shrinking thing and he wrote a famous equation, mostly known to material science community, “CAHN-ALLAN” equation and suddenly it grabbed me and after the lecture was over, i thought over it and it felt so nice, that i came across an idea which in itself is very legitimate problem in the scientific world and many have put their brains trying to solve it.

I don’t know much more than just the name of the equation, and suppose that neither you do…
So let’s begin with just fundamental physics and nail the problem with it !

The solitary reaper

Usually, my rhythmbox keeps me bugging through it’s cleverly built shuffle mode by popping out a random track from library, which i absolutely don’t like and seldom it plays the stuff i like… or perhaps it’s not the cleverly built algorithm but my lazy habit of not making it to next button which the player somehow records as my favorite kind of track ……

But, today it surprised me , back to back, my stuff ! …. and i liked each and every song, one after the other ! 
Now, in the world of a mathematician, this would be a rare event and to a philosopher it would be just like the way life goes…sometimes, good things happen in all the directions and sometimes you yearn even for a single one… but that is kind of extreme thing…don’t you think ..? I mean, if you look into the nature, she doesn’t follow this kind of trend… for example, if you take CAREFUL(in a relaxed state of mind) observation of the log of your daily activities you would probably get a glimpse of how events unfold so that at the end of the day, you would have at least one good feeling to carry on your journey… 
I may be wrong as one can object, “All of this is bullshit, what about a guy who has no job, no food reserve(he has to constantly think about his next meal), or perhaps  a wealthy guy who has been stuck with a serious illness of his body for a very long time…., What about them, do they fall asleep in the hope of next morning , ? ” Frankly, I don’t have any answers, in fact it would be utterly foolish to come up with an answer to a situation which you have never experienced … But one thing is certain, one can always look into his experiences and look for his answers…. ! And this is the point where philosophy becomes ugly if you take it any further …. there is simply no rational way of experiencing a life, it just happens… it doesn’t care for your comfort, your moral values…. it just keeps on happening in it’s own way…. 
Jagjit Singh, Wow…still playing my stuff….!
Or may be my preferences are dissolving…
I’m planning to write the next post on “my current work in nonlinear dynamical systems”… I know , reading this, gaurav would say a word or so which w ould summarize my ever so unreliable nature,…but then, there lies the fun of it… 😉 
Going back to bed with a nice warm feeling of satisfaction …
P.S. The title seems totally uncorrelated though,, sorry i can’t help it…i had to write something and the title of poem by william wordsworth came to my mind… [my all time fav. poem ]