Recently a friend pointed out to me : surprisingly weired yet totally innocent trend in my blog-post(in the left picture , blog-post, before and after my marriage). Thanks for noticing, but i really don’t know how did it end up like this…. May be this is a learning that one should not draw conclusions from thought patterns…it could be delusional…. Certainly, it is not what is looks like !!
It doesn’t really matter..we live in a delusional world anyway. The moment you realize that there is no point in doing anything in life except to keep yourself alive(although there is no point in that too but then you are not even ready to die as there is still lingering hope of finding some reason to your existence). This state i call “The Melancholy”. On a related note, Shiv Kumar Batalvi, said something similar to this in his interview in which he called this feeling by another name “Slow suicide”. At the moment, i can best describe my total sum of feelings as a persistent melancholy. I can’t really reason it…I got a great career, amazing family and friends, married the love of my life…so really there is no reason to get sad but still this constant feeling that they are not going to stay forever. I mean, I don’t see a point in having a thing only to be taken away few moments later. I have heard people say, “Enjoy what you have right now… and when you have lived it totally, let it go…Infact it will drop naturally”. To be honest, i can’t let go… perhaps I’m not living “totally”(whatever that means). But i see a point here, sometime back, I lost/dropped contact with my childhood and i don’t remember when and how did it happen. May be that’s let go in its natural form. Here, i would like to quote from movie “Udaan” :
Nange paer unpe chalte-chalte itni door aa gaye hain,
ki ab bhool gaye hai joote kahaan utare the ….Sach.. Bhool gaye hain joote kahan utaare thepar lagta hai ab unki zaroorat nahi..
So, can it happen right now, that we become so involved again..that the perception of delicate moment of detachment is never felt. Right now, it is not happening, right now i can only sing this :
Ki puchdiyun ho haal fakeeraan da,
Saada nadiyun vichade neeraan da.
Saada hanjh di june aayeen da,
Saada dil jaliyaan dilgeeraan da!Why ask about the condition of fakirs like us? We are water, separated from its river, Emerged from a tear, Melancholy, distressed.
Eh jaandeyan kujh shokh jahe
Rangaan da na hi tasveeraan hai,
Jad had gaye aseen ishke di,
Mul kar baithe tasveeraan da!Of course I knew that a painting is just A whimsy of colors- But when I entered the emporium of love, I paid a price.
Sanu lakhaan da tan labh gaya,
Par ik da man vi na miliya.
Kya likhiya kise mukahdar si
Hathaan diyan chaar lakeeraan da!Countless bodies did I find, But not one mind did I meet. This was written in my fate, In the four lines of my palm.
Takdeer da aapni saukan si,
Tadbeeraan saathon na hoiyaan.
Na jhang Chutaya na kan paate
Chund lang gaya injh heeraan da.My destiny was my rival. I could never find a way to escape it. I did not leave Jhang, I did not pierce my ears, and a crowd of Heers crossed my path.
Mere geet vi lok suneende ne,
Naale kaafar aakh sadeende ne,
MaeN darad nu kaaba keh baitha
Rahb naaN rakh baithe peeraan daPeople listen to my songs, But call me a heretic, Because I named pain my kaaba, And sorrow, my god.
Main daanashvaran suneendiyaan sang,
Kai vaari uhchi bol piya,
Kujh maan si sanu ishke da,
Kujh daava vi si peeraan da!On occasion, in gatherings of great people I have spoken sharply. Perhaps I was arrogant about my love, Perhaps I felt I had a claim upon pain.